Title:Professional to the End Author:Kattatonik Rating: 18 for language. Disclaimer: Not mine, CC, 1013, Fox own them. Note: This is a farce/comedy, set sort of fifth season, post ReduxII. It refers to IOU and UOMe by Trustyone, which can be accessed at Gossamer, but you don't need to read them. Although I recommend them. Thank yous go to: Trustyone and Katwoman for keeping me entertained and actually encouraging me to finish my stories. Check out other stories by moi at :www.geocities.com/SoHo/Den/7229 Feedback to: zcles58@ucl.ac.uk. (pleasepleaseplease) Professional to the End I always wondered what I would look like in heels. A complete idiot probably. I watch from behind as she weaves her way through the crowded corridor. Desperate to return to the car, return home. From behind she looks immaculate. Slim form clad in a deep red suit that somehow manages not to clash with her hair. Her hips sway, slightly, with every step. Heels. Click click. Click click. I don't know how she manages it in those heels. Maybe that's why she's so tough on everyone, because her feet hurt all the time. She's getting way ahead of me, and if I'm not careful she'd probably drive off without me today. It wasn't my fault the plane was delayed. I suppose it was my fault that the murderer was actually the detective in charge of the investigation. Who I happened to go on a date with while we were out there. She did have a really nice ass though. She's paused at the double doors. Waiting for me to play catch-up, which I've been doing all week. I feel kinda stupid, not seeing the obvious while Scully works her ass of to solve the case. I'm only a man though. I have needs, drives. It's a biological necessity for me to lust after leggy women. I'm getting good at it. The lusting after bit. There's no activity after this. I haven't had sex in four years. Everyone must think that I've been castrated, the lack of dating that I do. Either that, or they assume that I'm fucking Scully. Probably the latter. Hopefully the latter. It's okay for her, she had Ed Jerse. I think. Mind you, that was two years ago. Well, tough luck Scully. You still don't win the 'who hasn't had sex for the longest time' award. Over four years! Firm and strong. (Maybe firm isn't the right word) Unless I get lucky soon, I'm gonna carry this record into the next millennium. That would be an achievement to be proud of. Her hair swings around as I join her. I catch sight of the bruise on her face. A nice, perfectly shaped, heel impact from the detective/serial killers shoes. Nice chunky heels too. Typical Scully, ruin the first date I've had since God knows when by arresting the woman. Not without a fight. It had been interesting, watching, stunned stupid, as 5'2 Scully took down a 5'9 leggy blonde, who also had big, fuck off, chunky heels on. Go Scully! And now she bears the scar of just how chunky those heels were. I feel that I should make some comment on it, but for once, nothing seems even remotely appropriate. I've already expressed my concern, and she's already done her 'I'm fine' bit. So... nowhere else to go on that one. So I just ignore it, as Skinner did. That's me, professional to the end. We leave that carpark and I'm driving. I like this, as it means that I can concentrate on the road, and the pedestrians, and the dogs, and the kids. Anything so that I don't have to concentrate on Dana Scully. I can see from the corner of my eye that her head is back against the head rest, eyes closed, mouth slightly open. Is she sleeping? Doubtful. Considering the noise of the traffic of a Friday rush-hour- come- traffic jam. Coupled with the pretty heavy alternative music pumping from the stereo of the car next to us. It's too hot to wind the windows up, despite the air conditioning. I can almost see her wincing at every beat. She must really have a headache after the week we've had. The car beside us screeches away, pursuing another old, equally beat up, punk pumping rust bucket across the junction as soon as the light change. I feel old as I gently shift the car into drive, and roll easily across and on our way. I just hope she appreciates it. Last time I raced kids, she gave me a Look. I think that it would probably be worse today. I decide to breach the relative silence. "Y'okay?" "Hmmmm" She tilts her head towards me slightly, in a 'yeah, if I didn't have this headache and if I was at home with a nice meal and a bottle of wine,' kind of way. At least, that's how I read it. It could have been a 'why don't you just fuck off and die for all I care at the moment' tilt. But that's not really Scully style. I try again. "D'ya wanna go get something to eat?" I analyse my tone. Yeah, that sounded okay. Maybe a bit patronising, but nothing that she could snap at. I hope. "Mulder..." Her tone is intolerant. Whoops. "Mulder, I've been traveling all day, I have a massive headache, I have a heel mark in my face, I need to wash my hair..." I tune out for a second, allowing her to rant on for a while, at least it's not one of those science/evidence ones... "...and I really can't afford it, I just had to replace my VCR" I know that the last one was an excuse, so I use it to my advantage. "I'll buy" I want desperately to try out something. "Mulder, can't we just get take-out?" "We always get takeout. I wanna go out for once. C'mon Scully" I suppose I can understand why she would be suspicious, the last time we went out I surprised her for her birthday. I can just see her trying to work out what I'm up to. "What are you up to?" There it is. May as well be honest. "Well, there's this waitress at this bar, and I've been trying to pick her up for about a month, and I figure if she thinks that I'm taken, or just with someone, then I stand a better chance." "Because you don't look like a sad loser?" Not how I would have put it. "Mulder... Is it a topless bar?" "NO! Scully I'm shocked that you would think that I... Oh no, wait... sorry." She's smirking at me now. "Anyway, what sort of impression would I make on that waitress if I took a date to a topless bar." "So it is a topless bar." "No. Hypothetically speaking I meant" "Uh- huh" She's giggling away, trying to hide it under her hair. I push my advantage: She is now in a better mood. "Please Scully. We can make it like a real date." "What, where you try to pick up a waitress." "Oh, well, why don't we try to get someone for you as well. Men love splitting up couples." "Do they?" I decide not to answer that. After a while she sighs slightly, then nods. "Okay then. Pick me up at eight." ______________________ Dana Scully awoke feeling as though she had been eating carpet all night. She blinked at the light that was coming in through the windows. Far too bright for seven am, which was when her alarm should have been set for. She couldn't imagine any way in hell that she would have managed to switch it off, if she was as drunk as her head, mouth and the alarming gaps in her memory suggested. She looked over at the clock Her surprise at that was quickly overruled by the need to run to the bathroom and empty the contents of her stomach. ...... ............... ............... ......... She hunched, shaking, over the toilet bowl for a long moment. Then... "Mulder, why are you in my shower?" Which indeed he was. She mentally replayed the events of the past couple of minutes. Yes, she could vaguely remember the sound of the water running, the steam that hit her face as she rushed through the door, the yelp that had emerged from the very naked man standing in her shower.... ...a very very naked man... ....Hel-lo. Mulder was reaching for a towel, trying not to reveal anything to her. Then, as if realising something, he brazenly stepped out of the shower and started to dry off. Leaving nothing to the imagination. "Geez Mulder, what the HELL do you think you're doing. Oh my God!" She turned away from him as quickly as possible. Unfortunately this made her foggy spinny head even more spinny, and she retched again. ........... ........... When she was in a state to realise anything again, she realised that naked Mulder was leaning over her. With something very revealing at her eye level. "Oh my God, will you please cover yourself up!" He laughed slightly. "You weren't saying that last night." A sick feeling of Ed Jerse like dread started to wash through her. "Last night?" "Yeah, last night." His eyes searched hers. "Did you really mean everything that you said." "Uh, which part?" He paused, and then grinned at her. He leaned in to kiss her. "D'ya wanna go back to bed." "Errrr..." He was an inch away, with his arms going around her, when she realised the ultimate out. "I just got through throwing up Mulder." She pulled away, and he let her, probably not relishing the idea of kissing her at that moment. "Go get dressed Mulder." He looked at her for a second while she started to brush her teeth. "Um, Scully, maybe you should follow your own advice?" With all the throwing up, naked Mulder, Oh my God what the hell did I DO last night, she realised that she hadn't paid attention to what she was wearing. At least she wasn't completely naked. However, it wasn't much better. The negligÈe that she had worn under the dress was black, lacy, and incredibly see through. She heard him leave as she reached for the mouth wash. She thudded her already pounding head against the bathroom mirror. Thud Thud Thud It was kind of relaxing, in a way ____________________ Mulder smiled to himself as he pulled on his jeans. He hadn't meant for any of it to happen, but well, now that it had, he couldn't let an opportunity like this to pass him by. _____________________ By the time she had finished showering, managed to get dressed, and get herself looking even quarter way decent, Mulder was heavily into making breakfast/a mess in the kitchen. She paused in the doorway, trying hard to settle herself. This was not going to be easy. He had his back to her, trying to tame something that appeared to be spitting horribly in the pan. She watched as he jumped back slightly, making a small "ouch" noise. When she couldn't stand the wait any longer, and knew that it was now, or wait for him to turn around and notice her, which would be a hundred times worse, she stepped over the threshold. He heard her and turned around, a huge grin spreading over his face. He did look good that morning, with the remains of his last nights outfit on. Black jeans, a black collarless shirt undone midway down his chest. He always looked good in black. "Scully" His tone was light, but she could sense something under it. She tried to meet his eyes, but found herself blushing. Damn it. If she couldn't stop blushing like a teenager, there was no way they were going to manage to have an adult discussion about how they had possibly made a hideous mistake that could destroy their working relationship forever. It really didn't help that he was grinning at her like an adolescent boy who had just lost his virginity. "You look nice" She was thrown by that one. She had attempted to wear something completely non suggestive. A long flowing skirt with a v neck sweater. Apparently it wasn't non suggestive enough, because he was making his way towards her, leaving the bacon (yes, smells like bacon) to hiss and spit in the pan. "Hey you." Dammit, this wasn't going exactly as she planned. His arms had already managed to once again snake around her waist, pulling her body to him. "Mulder..." "Scully..." Okay, this has to stop right now, I don't care what he thinks, there is no way I can let him carry on nuzzling my neck like that! And.. Oh!!! "Mulder!" She pushed him away suddenly, much harder than she had meant to. He fell backwards, tipping over. His head connected with a loud "thunk" on the work surface, before he slid to the floor. "Oh SHIT. Mulder. Y'okay?" "Hpphnmm" He had his eyes shut, but when she tried to get him to sit up slightly he went with her. She checked the back of his head. He was sitting back against the cupboards, his legs spread in a V. She knelt between them, trying to see if his pupils were dilated or not. That was when he grabbed her ass again. "Hey Scully, I really think I need to lie down." She pulled back. Is that what you really want Dana? Really? Shut up Is it? Can you handle seeing him everyday after sleeping with him. Letting him date other women. I don't want him. Oh really, is that why you let him go at your neck like that then? "Shut up!" "What did you say Scully?" "Oh, nothing." She bit down on her bottom lip. "Are you really okay?" "Yeah." He pushed himself up to his feet. She rose with him. "Listen Scully..." He looked down into her eyes, and she could sense something *big* coming. _____________________ "No, Mulder..." she took a deep breath, avoided eye contact, and just let it come out, "I think that what happened between us was a mistake and you must have known that I was drunk because I would never have jeopardised our partnership otherwise and I'm sorry but that's how I feel and... Hang on a second, it was you who took advantage of me because I was drunk-" "You already said that Scully." "Shut up Mulder, I haven't finished yet. Shut up. You took advantage of me dammit. I can't believe you. How could you do that to me. To us! What about the X Files..." I zoned out again, just watched her lips move. She has nice lips. Dammit, I really do have to tell her, but she isn't giving me the opportunity. Jeez Scully, shut up, for Christ's sake. She's in a state of high colour now, and I realised that she has stopped talking. She's looking at me expectantly. Uh oh. "What?" Frustrated, she stamped her little foot slightly. "I *said* 'What did you expect to happen afterwards?'" "Uhhh?" "Yeah I thought so. No thought for the morning after-" I have decided that I have had enough of her ranting, so I stop her the only way I can think how. By kissing her. She doesn't protest, at least at first. After a few moments she attempts to struggle from me, and I let her. Much as I was enjoying it. Despite the fact that I am all too aware she was puking only ten minutes before. "Mul-der. God, like whatever happened last night wasn't enough!" Oh, now really is the best time, but my mischievous side gets the better of me. "I dunno Scully, only six times, I reckon I could go again." She blinks slightly, deliberately. There is a pause. "Six?" "Yeah, don't tell me you don't remember" "Ummm" "Oh my God. You don't remember... do you?" "Uhh.. no, not really. I think I can remember leaving the bar." "Oh. My. God." "Mulder, look, I'm sorry, but you must have known that I was drunk-" "No Scully, after everything that you said, I just can't believe that you don't, that you didn't mean any of it." Oh man is she gonna kill me. I pull away from her hands that have come to rest on my forearms, and turn and start to stride towards the living room. I move purposefully, attempting to look like I'm really hurt, and trying to get out of there. And she's following. Oh this is great!! I'm really gonna get her back for that time she made me dress up as a woman! Uh oh. I stop dead. As does she. Her eyes take in the blanket and pillow on the coach. Her hands clench. _____________________ Skinner didn't mention the eye. That's him, I suppose, professional to the end.