"You Can't Go Home Again" 3/3 by Dianora This story is not an X-File, it's about relationships, my take on a small part of Mulder's past. This is more or less a Mulder/Scully romance, so be warned. I've given it an R/strong PG-13 rating for language and adult situations, but there's really nothing graphic. I am toying with the idea of a sequel, which will largely depend on feedback I get from this. So if you like it and would like to read more, please let me know! E-Mail me at Dianora2@aol.com If you must flame, please be gentle and constructive about it. By the way, if you are against romance between Our Heroes, this story should really be taking place sometime in 1998, so you can just pretend the series is overwith (although it hopefully won't be!). This is being mailed to the EMXC but I think I'm posting it on the Newsgroup too, so if you see it there, don't freak out. Fox Mulder, Dana Scully, and the mentioned but not seen Margaret Scully, Samantha Mulder, and Phoebe Green are properties of Chris Carter, Ten Thirteen Productions, FOX, and whoever else owns a piece of them. I am borrowing them with no permission whatsoever, that's just the type of gal I am. Richard, Linda, Sabrina, and Anise are mine. "You Can't Go Home Again" Part 3 of 3 Dana smiled up at Richard, thinking how odd it felt to be in a man's arms, how unusual it was to be touched in any way by a man other than Mulder. She hadn't had a date in so long, she doubted she'd even be able to remember how to kiss a man. Now there's a depressing thought, she frowned. "Dana? Is something wrong?" She jerked out of her reverie, flashed what she hoped was a winning smile. "No. Not at all." "Dana, how is Mulder? I mean, really." "What do you mean exactly?" she asked, not sure how much Richard knew. "Has he...they never found Samantha, did they." It was not a question. Scully met his eyes steadily. "No," she said firmly, knowing with all her heart that the woman Mulder had traded for her one dark night didn't count. "But he's still looking." Richard's face grew sad, and Dana felt a pang of affection for this man she barely knew, but who obviously cared a great deal for Mulder. "I was hoping that maybe he'd finally made peace with himself about it. That he'd finally be able to let go of it, get on with his life." "I don't think that will happen. Not until he finds her." Richard searched her face, realization dawning in his warm brown eyes. "You're helping him, aren't you. To find Sam." Dana nodded. "And to find peace." His arm tightened around her waist, and it took all of her self-control not to stiffen at the gesture. But he hardly seemed to be thinking of her at the moment. His gaze was over her head, looking at something in the distance. "You know, that pain was always just beneath the surface with him," he said distractedly. "It made him more vulnerable, more easily hurt by others, and not many people realized it. It killed me every time someone hurt him all over again." "Richard, what is it?" Scully craned her head around to see Mulder talking to a statuesque, gorgeous brunette. She felt her heart sink a little. "Anise." **** "Fox, how are you?" Anise purred, running her hand along his lapel and kissing the air next to his cheek. Mulder held himself very still, willing himself not to notice the lush curves of her body beneath the clinging, silk, midnight blue dress, the fall of her dark hair, or the richness of her green eyes. Anise had transformed from the pretty teenager he remembered into a positively stunning woman. "I'm fine, Anise. How have you been?" He was relieved that his voice didn't crack. "Oh, absolutely wonderful," she gushed. "I'm living in New York, where I own a lovely little boutique on the Upper East Side." "That's great, Anise. I'm happy for you," he lied. I am a grown man in my thirties, he told himself sternly. I am not going to let this woman turn me back into some gawky teenager. "I work for the FBI. I'm a *Special Agent*," he said. Oh God, it was happening. The Geek Within was rearing its ugly head. It worked, unfortunately. A carnivorous gleam appeared in her eyes as she looked him up and down in a new light. "FBI. Fascinating. Is it...dangerous?" She sounded as if nothing would give her more pleasure. Mulder reflected on how he'd much rather be dealing with Eugene Tooms or Donnie Pfaster at the moment. "No more dangerous than walking the streets of Manhattan, I'm sure." "Oh, darling, you have no idea." **** "So are you and Mulder..." "No," she said instantly, reflexively, the way she always did. Richard eyed her a little strangely. "I mean, we're best friends, and I trust him more than anyone in this world, but, no, we're not...you know." "Well, it's his loss," Richard said smoothly. A little too smoothly. It irked her. "Thanks." His arm tightened around her waist again, and she smiled wanly. How long was this song, anyway? Richard was perfectly nice, but he was becoming a bit too predatory all of a sudden. All she could think about was Mulder talking to that woman, that Phoebe Green wannabe. "She really hurt him badly, didn't she, Richard." He raised an eyebrow. "Who? Anise? Yeah. Dumped him like a hot potato. He was devastated and she just...didn't care." An idea formed in Dana's mind. She couldn't believe she was seriously considering it, but her heart was going out to Mulder with an intensity that shocked her. She couldn't allow him to be hurt again, not after witnessing his debacle with Phoebe. After all, what were friends for? She stopped dancing. "Richard, will you please excuse me? There's something I have to do." Richard's face visibly fell, but he forced a smile. "Mulder's a lucky man, Dana. You'll be the one who finally gives him the happiness he deserves, I know it." Dana blushed, opened her mouth to protest, but settled for returning his smile and squeezing his hand. "And he was lucky to have you when he did." **** "So, Fox." Anise stood as close to him as possible without actually touching him. "Would you like to dance?" Mulder's mind raced for an excuse, any excuse. I have a prosthetic leg, dancing is prohibited by my doctor, I think I hear the tea kettle whistling... "Umm..." "*Fox*, who's this?" He almost jumped out of his skin as Scully appeared at his side and wrapped her arm around his possessively. He looked down at her questioningly, and she gave him a look that clearly said, *I'm bailing you out here, work with me*. War broke out within him. Part of him was indignant that she felt he needed the protection, part of him was relieved at being rescued, part of him felt immeasurable warmth for this amazing woman who was his partner, and part of him couldn't help but notice that from this angle he could see down Scully's shirt. The bra was black satin. He tore his eyes away with difficulty. "Dana Scully, Anise Moran." Scully extended a limp wrist, which Anise shook languidly. "Charmed," Scully yawned, and Mulder stifled a chuckle. Anise smiled artificially. "Why, Fox, you didn't tell me you were with someone." She looked Dana up and down cooly, obviously not impressed. "Dana is...we're very close," he said lamely. That was the truth, at least. He was too taken aback by Scully's performance to come up with something more original. "*Darling*," and now Dana was purring almost the way Anise had been, but without the edge, pressing herself against him in a way that made him dizzy, "you promised me a dance before we left, and it's getting late." She smoothed his tie and batted her eyelashes, and Mulder had to bite the inside of his mouth to keep from laughing. "Of course, *dear*." He nodded at Anise. "Nice seeing you, Anise. Take care." Anise just smiled tightly. **** As soon as they reached a spot on the dance floor and Mulder took Scully in his arms, they took one look at each other and burst out laughing. "Thank you so much, *sweetheart*," Mulder grinned. "Any time, *pumpkin*." Mulder snickered, then smiled down at her affectionately. "I mean it, Scully. Thanks." "Well, Mulder, I couldn't just stand by and let her hurt you...again." All of his defenses rose at the notion that he couldn't take care of himself, but relaxed when he admitted to himself that wasn't how Scully saw it. This woman cares about me probably more than anyone ever has in my entire life, he realized. It was like an epiphany, and he wanted to shout it to the world, suddenly. There was a time, he thought, when I was young and stupid, that I thought I could spend the rest of my life with someone like Anise Moran. He had never dreamed of meeting anyone like Dana Scully, didn't think anyone with her brilliance, beauty, and deep compassion even existed. Now, when he thought about his future, the only person he could see as always being there, the one constant, was...Scully. Without thinking, he reached out and smoothed her hair back from her face, delighting in the feel of her soft hair against his skin. She froze, and he was afraid he had offended her, when he realized with a thrill that she was having the same physical reaction he was. His breath caught, and he pulled his hand away hastily. "Sorry," he mumbled. "It's...it's okay, Mulder." She smiled at him, and he drew her closer, enjoying the feel of her satin shirt beneath his fingers. She was wearing a light floral fragrance that contrasted wonderfully with the heavy, musky scent Anise had been sporting. He felt a strange tingling in his head and a tightening in his groin. "So," he said, eager to talk, to think about something other than the way Dana Scully fit into his arms so perfectly, "Richard seemed quite taken with you." Two spots of pink appeared on her cheeks. "Oh, I don't know about that." "Was the feeling mutual?" he asked, trying not to sound too obvious. God, I sound like a freaking jealous boyfriend. She looked at him quizzically. "He seems like a good man. He cares about you a lot. I'm not interested in him, though. Not like that." He couldn't believe the wave of relief that washed over him. "That's right, I forgot, you go for the brainless jock type," he teased, covering his reaction. He received a light punch in the stomach as a retort. "Ow!" They just danced for a while, holding each other, enjoying the warmth of the embrace. Then Mulder opened his mouth and the words just came tumbling out. "You know, I never felt as comfortable with any of these people, including Richard, as I do with you." She looked up at him, startled, but he pulled her closer, and she placed her head against his chest as they continued to sway to the music. He buried his face in her hair, inhaling deeply the sweet scent of her. "No one understands me like you do, Dana," he whispered. And knew, for the first time, just how true that was. She tensed slightly, but did not move from his embrace. He held his breath, wanting--needing--some sort of response. After what seemed like forever, she lifted her head, and looked directly at him with those beautiful blue eyes. "I could say the same thing about you." She tried to say it lightly. It didn't work. Their eyes held for what seemed like an eternity. "You know, I've seen everyone I want to see tonight," Mulder said in a rush. "Let me make some plans to see Richard tomorrow, and then we'll get out of here." "Mulder..." she chewed her lower lip. "I just want...let's just go back to the hotel, and talk. I just want to talk." She exhaled loudly, relieved. "Okay." They found Richard over by the punch bowl, and Mulder made plans to have lunch with him the following day. Richard gave Dana a good-bye kiss on the cheek and one last wistful look. Then Scully insisted they track down Linda and say good-bye to her as well. When they had finished their farewells, Mulder guided Scully to the door, his hand resting lightly on the small of her back. **** The ride back was quiet at first, almost tense, but then Mulder launched into a scathing commentary on half of his high school class that had Scully gasping with laughter by the time they got back to the inn. They went to Scully's room, which was naturally neater, and Mulder ripped off his tie with a sigh of relief. He sprawled out on the bed and watched Scully as she took off her watch and set it on the bureau, then slipped out of her high heels, rubbing her stockinged feet. "Oh, that feels wonderful," she moaned softly. Mulder licked his lips as a jolt of desire shot through him. "Is it hot in here?" he murmured. "What?" "Nothing, forget it." Scully hopped up onto the bed next to him and ruffled his hair playfully. "Well, I think we're both relieved that you're out of that dreadful tie." He smiled back, but she was so close to him that he couldn't think straight. He wondered what would happen if he moved his head just a little bit closer, pressed his lips to the ivory skin above her neckline...Jesus Christ. He jumped up and began pacing. "Mulder, what is it?" Dana didn't know what to make of his behavior tonight, ever since she had pulled that stunt with Anise. And that dance...it had felt so good to be held by him, and he had been so sweet...she didn't want to analyze the feelings it stirred up inside of her. "Scully, we've known each other for a while now," he said, as if beginning a speech. "I know, Mulder." "And we're...pretty close, aren't we?" "Of course we are. We're partners." He stopped pacing, stared at her intensely, mouth working, trying to get out the words. She got up and walked over to him, concerned, but curious at the same time. "Is that all? Just what the hell are we, Dana? Really?" he croaked. "Partners...good friends...best friends," she stammered, involuntarily taking a step back. "Dammit, it feels like more than that and you know it." She looked at the floor, at the walls--anywhere but at him, her hands fiddling with the hem of her shirt. Maybe if she hadn't worn this damn outfit she wouldn't have to be dealing with this. He stepped closer to her, tilted her chin up with one finger, and looked into her eyes. She gulped at the expression on his face. "Is that all we are, Dana?" he whispered, so low she could barely hear him. "Just partners? Just...friends?" And then he kissed her. Softly, tenderly, tentatively, unsure that she would respond. She froze at first, but then, as the shock faded, desire took its place, and she found herself opening her mouth to him, and the sensation of his tongue sliding against hers made her knees buckle. She reached up to wrap her arms around his neck, and all she could think was, I am kissing Fox Mulder and the ceiling is not falling in on us, the world is not ending. For endless moments they luxuriated in the feel of each other, in the hot, sweet kiss that had suddenly become their entire world. Then he pulled away from her lips and began kissing her neck, her ear, caressing her with his mouth and tongue until she sighed with pleasure, burying her fingers in his soft brown hair. And then he was back to her lips, searching, probing, demanding now, the kisses building in intensity. For a long time they just delighted in kissing, caressing, necking like teenagers. He reached up to touch her breast through the green satin, and a small sound escaped from the back of her throat. He began to nuzzle her neck again, to taste that smooth, scented skin that had been tempting him all night. "Dana, God, I want you so badly," he whispered, his breath warm and moist against her neck. His words snapped her back to reality like a bucket of ice dumped down her back. Before she could change her mind, she pushed him away, gently but firmly, hating to do it, knowing she had to. "Mulder...no. I can't do this. Not now." He looked at her in disbelief, hurt shadowing his exquisite hazel eyes. "What? But I thought...did I just make a complete fool out of myself?" She felt him pulling away from her emotionally as well as physically, could see him starting to shut her out, and she refused to let that happen. "No! Mulder, of course not. I want you too, you know I do. I think we've both known it, for ages." He smiled a bit at that. Good. "It's just...this is too much, too soon. I need to think about this. Alone. I just...I just need to figure out what to do, here. I don't want us to make a huge mistake." "Fine. Take all the time you need," he said bitterly, walking away from her. "Mulder, don't do this," she said quickly, "I won't *let* you do this. Don't shut me out." He stopped, turned around to face her. "God, can't I at least have until the morning to think this through? To decide whether or not to risk the most wonderful friendship I've ever had in my life for something that could be even more wonderful? Or for something that could also destroy everything we've worked for?" "We wouldn't allow that to happen," he snapped. "Mulder...am I really asking for so much?" she whispered, feeling tears wanting to surface. Please understand, she thought desperately. I couldn't stand to lose you. He softened as he looked at her, and she could see the shields fall from his eyes. "No. I guess not. I'm sorry. I just...I really want you, Dana. And God, it feels so good to finally tell you, to show you." She looked away, embarrassed. He approached her again, placed his arms gingerly around her waist. "Always the sensible one, aren't you, Scully?" "Well, someone has to be in this partnership," she retorted, smiling. He hesitated. "Can I at least get...a goodnight kiss?" He consciously gave her what he knew from past experience was his most endearing look. She sighed. That little-boy bit was going to be the end of her one of these days, she just knew it. "I think we can manage that." He pressed his lips gently to hers, and she fought back the surge of longing that swept through her, threatening to block out all the rationale she had just been preaching. He reached up to briefly caress her cheek, then pulled away, both of them a little breathless. "Good night, Scully." "Good night, Mulder." She watched him leave and go back to his room alone. End.